As a mom, you are expected to be not just a jack-of-all-trades, but an expert at each thing. In an average day, you have to be an expert line chef, an alarm clock, a baby nurse, a triage nurse, an electronics repair person, the finder of all missing things, a teacher, a race car driver, a personal shopper, a maid, a laundress, a seamstress, a dishwasher, a photographer, a home organizer, a librarian, a psychologist, a dentist and most of all, a mind reader. Sometimes, all this seems too daunting. But sometimes, you wake up and feel like, "Hey, I'm a mom, I've got this. No problem."
Sometimes you wake up and feel like that, and then the sky starts to fall. Like when you wake up and realize that you've forgotten to make the lunches, and 4 kids needs them, but the baby is screaming and two kids can't find the pants they want to wear, regardless of the fact that they had them set out the night before. As you race downstairs, carrying the baby drinking her bottle, you notice that the oldest two need permission slips signed and $4.82 each, in exact change. You hurry over to your wallet to find that contains a $20 and 3 nickels. Nope. Not gonna do it. Then you look over at the fridge and see the calendar which seems to be shouting "HEY! TWO DOCTORS APPOINTMENTS ARE SCHEDULED THIS AFTERNOON FOR EXACTLY THE SAME TIME, FOR THE SAME KID AT DIFFERENT ENDS OF THE COUNTY!" You start mentally cataloguing all the people who might be able to help out, because in addition to all that, the baby is running a bit of a fever and the 5 year old tells you she feels like she might throw up. A twin comes out of the bathroom with a retainer that looks somewhat mangled and asks if you bend it back into shape as the other one pretends that she's brushed her teeth, but you know she simply stuck the toothbrush under the water and called it good enough. You finally manage to get the three big ones on the bus and head out for the 20 minute ride to take the 5 year old to preschool as she miraculously recovered from her stomachache when you told her she'd have to take a nap. You get about halfway there and realize that you left the envelope containing her tuition on the counter in the kitchen, along with your can of Pepsi Throwback. No breakfast for you! You figure, they adore that kid because when she's there she acts like a doll, as the director told you the previous week that she's "an angel carved from cream cheese" so they'll take her anyway. You get to preschool and smell something not so fresh. The 5 year old tells you "the baby stinks. I think she pooped." Yeah, of course she did. So you run over to Target because you know they have the cleanest bathroom on Monday mornings and go in to change her diaper. After taking care of that toxic waste (what are you feeding that kid anyway??) you decide that you could use a few things, toilet paper, paper towels, snack sized Ziplocks, a new charger for your camera battery, two different kinds of shampoo, the $18 bottle of conditioner for the kids, deodorant for the preteens and colored pens to keep your kids homework assignments organized. After spending $150 on that stuff and another $100 other stuff from the dollar spot and a cute new pair of pjs for the baby, you notice that the baby is getting tired. She falls asleep on the way to the car and you put her seat in the car and just drive. You end up having to drive for an extra 45 minutes, but at least she's getting a nap. Head home when she wakes up, complaining about having been in the seat too long and find all the breakfast dishes on the counter, laundry strewn across a few bedrooms and several unmade beds. Give the baby her "second breakfast" because you are raising a hobbit hybrid and stick her in the jump-a-roo to give yourself a few minutes to get something done. Clean up the kitchen, gather the laundry and start your first load of the day, put away the Target purchases, call the doctors to reschedule, find someone (uh, yeah, there is only one person, my mom!) to watch the kids afterschool so you can take the child to one doctor, call the orthodontist to find out how much a replacement retainer will run you (why oh why did SS Dad become an oral surgeon instead of an orthodontist) drink your can of Pepsi and sit down with the baby. Yup, all that in the 7 1/2 minutes that she'll jump in her jumpy-thingy. In the meantime, you see that you have a voicemail. It's the school. The violin playing twin forgot her instrument. Back in the car and over to the school to drop that off, along with the sneakers for the 8 year old who left them home on purpose because she hates floor hockey. In the meantime, mentally plan dinner and try to figure out how you can get it in the oven while at the doctor's office. It's time for another nap for the baby and you pop in a Lean Cuisine for lunch - at 2:45. Luckily for you, your mom is picking up the 5 year old from school, because that needed to be done 15 minutes earlier and you'd completely forgotten. They arrive home while you are eating your first bite and she wants to show you the treasures she found at school. You check out the 3 tiny pieces of scrap paper, the googily eye and star sticker that she discovered on the floor at school. She wants you to go with her to put her treasures in her "special spot" and by the time you get back to your Lean Cuisine, it's cold and congealed. Toss that in the trash and hear the baby start to cry. Send your mom up to get the baby. You eat a piece of string cheese that the preschooler rejected at lunch and take a bite of her half eaten apple, as you empty out her lunch box. The bus brings home the other three and you empty three backpacks, three lunchboxes and file paperwork for three kids. Then you stick a kid in the car, hoping it's the correct one and head to the doctor. Your mom calls you because she doesn't know the dosage of one kid's afternoon medication and you forgot to leave it out for her. SS Dad texts you to say that he'll be late because he has a meeting and not to worry about dinner. That's fine, because you didn't bother to prep it or stick it in the over. Make a mental note to put the chicken in the freezer when you get home. Finish with that doctor (yes, you had the right kid, yay you!) and head home. Pick up a kid and take her to gymnastics, play with the baby a little, realize that you forgot to go over the spelling list with another kid, manage get everyone to eat something for dinner, finish homework and send them all into the showers. Then off to bed for them and BAM! Fall asleep on the couch at 10:30 waiting for SS Dad to get home.
No wonder you are tired, you've spent the day trying to be an expert.